The Real Reason Usui Went Blind
by Komo Pineconeseed
Summary: ONESHOT OOC Crack! Didn't believe the Shishio-slashing-eyes-out story? Here's the real reason Usui went blind. May be considered offensive to Nintendo DS lovers.


The Real Reason Usui Went Blind

By: Komo Pineconeseed

Disclaimer:

Komo does not own Rurouni Kenshin, any Nintendo product, or this idea. This idea practically completely belongs to Burnt Up Old Sausage (aka Crispy-san), but since Komo is more pro-active and less lazy than Crispy-san (Crispy-san admits it) this fic is posted before any of hers.

Summary:

Okay, this happened a while ago. I was over at Crispy's (aka Burnt Up Old Sausage) house to trade FFTA (Final Fantasy Tactics Advance) information and we were talking about Nintendo DS's. Sorry in advance for those of you who like DS's, but Crispy and I prefer PSP's better, since they can play PS2 games. Anyways, our conversation went something like this:

_Crispy: I would rather have a PSP. I mean, they can play PS2 games. The only cool thing about DS's is that they have two screens._

_Komo: Yeah, what is the point of having two screens, anyway?_

_Crispy: Yeah, no kidding. How are suppose to see two screens at once? Maybe, you hold it vertically so each eye sees one screen? Maybe it's like one of those eye illusion things, where if you stare long enough, you get dizzy and your eyes fall out… like Usui! That's the real reason he went blind!_

(Much later)

_Komo: Hey, I should write a fanfic about it!_

_Crispy: I'm going to beat you to it!_

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As you can see, Crispy lost that bet

And this story is finally starting.

_This story takes place in modern day America…_

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Usui woke up one day, batting his wonderful, beautiful eyes. Usui is your bit-beyond average seventh-grader. He had drop-dead-gorgeous eyes, and was well known for it. Usui was well known for his eyes and how beautiful they were. Today was going to be another great day, Usui could practically sense it. It was as if, he had a sixth sense or something…

By the time Usui went downstairs and into the kitchen, his mother came up to him saying, "Usui, you shouldn't keep your beautiful eyes underneath those bangs of yours. Come here, my son, and let me brush out your bangs for you." So Usui spent ten minutes letting his mother brush out his bangs for him.

When Usui got on the bus, he immediately went to the popular kid's section. He was very welcome there. All of the cool kids, girls especially, loved his eyes. To quote one of his fangirls, "OMG! His eyes are so hot and sexy!" As you can see, Usui has lots of fangirls.

When Usui got to school, he went into the locker rooms. Usui had P.E. first period, so it made sense his first destination was the locker rooms. He looked at the message board. _Dress down, golf unit starts today_ it said. Usui smiled. He was good with any hand-eye-coordination activity, so golf should be a breeze.

When Usui and all of his friends went into the field today, they learned that they would be learning driving that day. (Komo: Sorry, we had our golf unit a little while ago, and I kinda forgot most of the golf terms, so bear with me, 'kay?) Usui's drives were perfect; they hit all of their marks. All of his friends kept commenting on how good his hand-eye-coordination was. Usui was very proud.

In 3rd period Language Arts, it turned out that they had a state test in literature that day. (Komo: I heard that some states such as California don't have state tests. Lucky.) Usui had no worries. Literature is one of his strong points. He would breeze threw this test. In fact, he had a few comments from his lit teachers that if giving out sevens was possible, he'd have sevens on all of the categories. Yes, Usui was very confident. The test began.

Several periods passed and now it was 7th. For Usui, 7th period was Performing Arts. Usui was a great actor. He memorized his lines and could express his character thoroughly. The teacher said that it was his eyes that carried out his character's personality so well. Today, however, Usui was not performing. His character was not required on stage today, so he hung around the back, hanging out. But instead of talking he was opening letters. One of his friends noticed and asked, "Hey, Usui, what are those letters?"

Usui looked up and gazed with his beautiful eyes. **(1) ** "They're from girls in Japan that think I'm hot and sexy."

"Oh," said the friend that asked. And that was the end of that conversation.

_Three weeks later…_

The literature state tests were coming back and everybody were anxious about their arrival. In 3rd period Language Arts, the teacher was telling her students of their test scores. When she called Usui down, it was no surprise: all sixes. Usui wasn't very touched. He'd been getting literature sixes all his life, so this one was no different.

_When he got home…_

When Usui came home, the house was unusually silent. Normally, his mother would be walking up to him, brushing her hand through his hair, telling him to show his eyes since they were so beautiful, and then asking how his day was. But that wasn't the case today. However, this all became clear when Usui went into the family room.

In big letters were the words: **CONGRATULATIONS USUI!**

Usui just got his fiftieth straight sixes and his parents threw him a party for it. When the party was over, Usui's parents came up to him. "Usui," they said, "congratulations. For your present, we got you a Nintendo DS, and the brand-new, first edition Nintendo DS game: Whack-A-Mime!"

_How are you supposed to look at two screens at once? _Usui thought to himself. _Maybe, you hold it vertically, so each eyes looks at one screen… _

_A few days later…_

Usui didn't go to school. He was busy playing on his brand-new Nintendo DS. He really should go to school, but the new game has got him fully addicted.

_A few days after that…_

The dual screens have got Usui completely hypnotized, so hypnotized that he could stop playing it.

_A few days later, his eyes rolled out of their sockets. Usui was now blind._

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Okay, we all learned something from this fic. Never play golf.

**(1) **Those of you that have read Crispy-san's fic know that we have our own anime fan club. Well, in Language Arts, we were learning to write better friendly letters. Daniel, an Usui fan, wrote his to somewhere in Minnesota and he got a reply. Whenever someone asked him what it was, he would reply, "It's a letter from my fangirls in Minnesota that think I'm hot and sexy." And that is where that idea from.

_See that little purple button near the bottom of the screen? Press it and give me a review! Thanks!_

Komo Pineconeseed


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